Is This Really Love? - by Leah Aguirre (Paperback)

About the Book

Coercive control and emotional abuse create an unequal power dynamic--giving the perpetrator power and creating anxiety, confusion, self-doubt, fear, and a sense of entrapment for the victim. This trauma-informed guide spotlights the red flags of coercive control, and provides tools to help readers break free from toxic love relationships and gain clarity, autonomy, and control of their lives.

Book Synopsis

It's time to take back control. If you're in a coercive or emotionally abusive relationship, this trauma-informed guide can help you gain clarity--and courage to break free.

Do you suspect you're in a coercive, controlling, or emotionally abusive relationship? Does your partner have unreasonable expectations of you, or cause you to feel anxious or stressed? Do they make you feel guilty for spending time with other people? Are they manipulative, blaming, gaslighting, and shaming when they don't get what they want? Do you want to leave, but feel like you just can't? When we think of emotional abuse, we usually think of verbal aggression and yelling; but often it can also be subtle, nuanced, and difficult to recognize.

Written by a psychotherapist and relationship expert, this trauma-informed guide spotlights the red flags of coercive control, and provides powerful tools to help you break free from a toxic love relationship and gain the autonomy needed to live your life fully--without fear, guilt, or intimidation. Drawing on acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), EMDR, motivational interviewing, and self-compassion skills, this book will help you identify your core values, rebuild your confidence and self-worth, and learn to set essential boundaries.

Coercive control and emotional abuse create an unequal power dynamic--giving your partner power and creating anxiety, confusion, self-doubt, fear, and a sense of entrapment for you. But you can change course and take back your life. This book will show you how, step by step.

Review Quotes

"Is This Really Love? is a must-read for those who question the health of their relationship or struggle to relate honestly in relationships. Leah Aguirre writes with authority and experience, and guides her reader on a pathway from discernment to recovery and wholeness."
--Reta Faye Walker, PhD, founder and executive director of Lasting Love Transformation, and author of Guide to Lasting Love--Reta Faye Walker, PhD

"Is This Really Love? serves as a vital guide for anyone feeling tossed in the confusing storm of emotional abuse. Skillfully written in the voice of a wise and caring friend, Leah Aguirre offers readers a remarkable gift I will recommend for years."
--Gina Simmons Schneider, PhD, psychotherapist, and author of Frazzlebrain--Gina Simmons Schneider, PhD

"A clear guide and an anchor of truth for anyone who is looking to understand the nuances of abuse. This book will give words to your experience, while providing practical steps to healing."
--Grace Stuart, domestic violence advocate, and host of the Why She Stayed podcast--Grace Stuart

"In Is This Really Love?, Leah deftly addresses the serious subject of emotional abuse. Through real-life stories and straightforward guidance, this book helps readers overcome self-doubt and see the reality of an emotionally abusive partner. Is This Really Love? is for anyone questioning a relationship's emotional health, and a must-read for clinicians: because therapists must understand the impact of emotional abuse and how to help clients safely leave these relationships."
--Jodi White, LPC, therapist, and host of the Journals of a Love Addict podcast--Jodi White, LPC

"This book is a must-read for anyone who wants to break the cycle of falling for coercive, controlling, or emotionally abusive romantic partners. With expert research, guidance, and personal stories, Leah Aguirre's book guides readers to heal, reconnect with themselves, and make sure their next relationship is healthy and loving."
--Lily Womble, author of Thank You, More Please; and founder of Date Brazen--Lily Womble

About the Author

Leah Aguirre, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker practicing in San Diego, CA. She works primarily with individuals who have experienced complex trauma, including childhood abuse, domestic violence, and dating violence; and provides trauma-based treatment, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). Aguirre contributes to Psychology Today, and has been featured in major media such as Bumble, GQ, Reader's Digest, and Hello Giggles.

Foreword writer Avery Neal, PhD, LPC, is a practicing psychotherapist, international author and speaker, and founder of the Women's Therapy Clinic in Houston, TX, which offers psychiatric and counseling support to women. She is author of If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?