Living Together - by Jeff Vangoethem (Paperback)

About the Book

Vangoethem offers a biblical perspective on the explosive and growing social phenomenon of couples moving in together instead of marrying--even among Christian couples. He offers practical and competent help for those who counsel and minister to unwed couples.

Book Synopsis

Offers a biblical perspective on the explosive and growing social phenomena of couples moving in together instead of marrying - a common trend even among Christian couples. Full of biblical, practical, and competent help for those who minister to and counsel unwed couples.

From the Back Cover

The old children's rhyme "first comes love, then comes marriage" means little to the over 4 million couples in America who now choose to live together prior to marriage. For them, first comes love, then comes cohabiting, then comes marriage . . . maybe.

Although living together before marriage is considered socially acceptable and the "smart" thing to do, thirty years of modern social research indicate that cohabitation lays a poor foundation for marriage or for any kind of long-term relationship--a foundation weakened by distrust, misunderstanding, lack of respect, and a lesser degree of commitment.

In this much-needed book, experienced pastor and counselor Jeff VanGoethem provides solid help for both the pastoral and professional counselor. He gives insights into the mindset of the modern cohabiting couple, reinforces the biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant, and offers practical applications for counseling situations.

"Pastors and counselors need this book. It not only provides a biblical perspective, but it also brings the best social research to bear on this important subject."

--Kerby Anderson
National Director, Probe Ministries International

Jeff VanGoethem (D.Min., Th.M., Dallas Theological Seminary) is the senior pastor of East White Oak Bible Church in Bloomington, Ill. He is also adjunct instructor at Lincoln College in Normal, Ill.

Review Quotes

"Pastors may find the sample counseling and church policy regarding cohabitation in the appendixes worth the price of the book."--Cindy Crosby "Christianity Today" (5/1/2005 12:00:00 AM)

"Pastors, counselors and chaplains today had better be prepared to effectively deal with these issues for the sake of all. This resource is the key to doing just that. Jeff VanGoethem's book is the equivalent of a seminary course of the Theology of Marriage. He offers models for counseling unmarried couples and shows how to draw up a policy for marrying couples who live together (which can be referred to) along with a working form for the reader to use. He instructs pastors how to spot red flags when interviewing couples and the danger of letting any red flags slip by. I plan to read his book a second time (slowly) in order to not miss anything in it."--Rev. Austin Miles "MichNews.com" (10/25/2006 12:00:00 AM)

"This interesting and sobering study of cohabitating treats a subject upon which little has been written. The author writes out of his experience as a pastor and familiarity with what has been written on this theme. The presentation is well rooted in what the Bible has to say about marriage. The book is a practical presentation of situations which present themselves to pastors. If there are clear policies laid down and followed by the church and its pastor, many heartaches and church conflicts will be avoided. The reader will identify with situations similar to those presented in the book. This book should be widely read."-- "Christian Observer" (3/1/2005 12:00:00 AM)

"We need more attention to this in the church, IMHO. I feel that heterosexual sin has caused more damage to the body of Christ and children than any other sin and yet the church is virtually silent on the issue. I wonder if one of the reasons pastors hesitate to speak up is because it would touch so many lives? Or maybe it's just a desire not to hurt people's feelings. The shame of it is that so many children these days suffer dramatic and lifelong consequences from their parents not being married, or broken marriages due to sin, and the silence seems to only make things continue downhill."--Rev. Austin Miles "agapepress.org" (10/1/2006 12:00:00 AM)

Pastors, counselors and chaplains today had better be prepared to effectively deal with these issues for the sake of all. Living Together is the key to doing just that. VanGoethem's book is equivalent of a seminary course of The Theology of Marriage. He offers models for counseling unmarried couples and shows how to draw up a policy for marrying couples who live together (which can be referred to) along with a working form for the reader to use. He instructs pastors how to spot red flags when interviewing couples and the danger of letting any red flags slip by. I plan to read his book a second time (slowly) in order to not miss anything in it.--Rev. Austin Miles "crosswalk.com" (11/22/2006 12:00:00 AM)

In this much needed book, experienced pastor and counselor Jeff Van Goethem provides solid help for both the pastoral and professional counselor. He gives insight into the mindset of the modern cohabiting couple, reinforces the biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant, and offers practical applications for counseling situations. 'Pastors and counselors need this book. It not only provides a biblical perspective, but it also brings the best social research to bear on this important subject.'--Kerby Anderson "Probe Ministries International" (4/20/2005 12:00:00 AM)

Living Together is the most complete, in-depth book to be found on this much-too-neglected subject. It provides direction to the delicate task of effectively counseling live-in couples; such as, what questions to ask, back-up statistics, plus legal questions and problems that cannot be avoided by refusing to marry.--Rev. Austin Miles "crosswalk.com" (11/22/2006 12:00:00 AM)

Millions of couples are living together rather than getting married. Pastors and counselors need this book. It not only provides a biblical perspective, but it also brings the best social research to bear on this important subject. Those who live together before they get married are putting their future marriage in danger.--Kerby Anderson "Probe Ministries" (8/15/2004 12:00:00 AM)